


Merlin's Many Attempts to Tell Arthur the Truth

by whatswiththemustache



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: About time too, Angst, Gen, Humor, Merlin is freaking out, and kind of stressed out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 07:10:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7212814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatswiththemustache/pseuds/whatswiththemustache
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Arthur is the only one who <i>doesn't</i> know about Merlin's magic, Merlin knows that the time for truth has come. But despite Merlin's many attempts to reveal his secret, Arthur just doesn't seem to be getting the message...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I thought that it was about time that I put this old thing up on AO3. I've been trying to get all my stuff from FF over here...and this, I admit, is fairly ridiculous. But, I hope that whoever you are, you enjoy it. :)

Merlin knew it was time.

Honestly, he did. He had to tell Arthur the truth.

Practically everyone else knew by then. Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, Leon, Gwen…how _that_ had happened, he had no idea. But it had, and now he had to tell Arthur.

He really didn't have any choice. How could he let practically all of the knights know, as well as the future queen, and not tell his best friend – his other half and all that – Arthur?

He didn't have any choice.

That's what he kept telling himself, _over_ and _over_ again…

It wasn't really making things easier.

Merlin was pacing back and forth in Arthur's vast chambers, waiting for the Regent to arrive. Wringing his hands nervously, he couldn't keep still. He was definitely going to tell Arthur, and he knew that it was time to do so. But, after living for so long keeping his secret hidden…after hiding it from everyone…it was going to be difficult.

Well, not _everyone_ …

Merlin had grown increasingly baffled as the number of people who knew about his _gifts_ grew. He was relieved, of course; relived beyond belief. Not one of them had tried to kill him, or turn him in, or…anything. They didn't shout, or get angry at all.

It was definitely very strange.

Gwen was the first to find out, after Lancelot of course. After her, Gwaine, then Percival, then Elyan, and finally Leon. Some had confronted him after putting the pieces together themselves, and some had caught him in the act. They'd shown varying degrees of surprise, wariness, and shock, but nothing more.

Which, Merlin had thought, was great. That is, until they'd all gotten together to start pressuring him to tell Arthur about it, too. He couldn't go anywhere without getting the earnest lectures from Gwen, the pointed glances from Leon, the _loud_ remarks from Gwaine…

Even Percival's silences, though they were still as silent as ever, were filled with those crazy words that everyone was throwing at him all of the sudden.

_Tell him._

After Merlin's initial reaction of ' _Are you INSANE?'_ , he began wearing down to ' _I will tell him…eventually'_ , to _'I'm waiting for the right time'_ , to ' _FINE! I'LL TELL HIM, BUT ONLY IF YOU STOP TELLING ME TO TELL HIM!'._

That didn't actually take very long.

So, finally, after the small mountain of threats from his friends (that's what friends were for, he was told) had grown to teetering, he relented. And there he was.

In Arthur's chambers.

About to tell Arthur…the truth.

And, hopefully, not about to jump out a window or anything, because that was actually looking more appealing than Option #1.

Merlin paused in his relentless pacing, clasped his hands behind his back, and tried to force himself to stand still for more than approximately 3 seconds.

It didn't work.

He practically threw himself into the chair that sat at the head of Arthur's table, trying to calm himself. Hyperventilating was not a good idea right now.

_Deep breaths. One, two, three…._

Nope, that wasn't working, either.

Merlin leaned forward in the chair, placed his elbows on the table in front of him, and rested his head in his hands. Sighing deeply, he fixed his gaze on the chamber doors.

No, that was a very bad place to fix his gaze on.

He turned his eyes downwards, and ended up staring unwaveringly at a bowl of grapes sitting at the center of the table.

_I can do this, I can do this, I can do this…_

He thought to himself as loudly as he could, staring at the grapes so heavily that they were probably extremely creeped out by now at his stalker-like interest in them.

_No you CAN'T, no you CAN'T, no you CAN'T…_

A second little voice in his head yelled at him, completely drowning out his earlier thought.

_Shut up, I can totally do this. Can, can, can…_

_Can not! Arthur's going to be furious, you're going to be arrested, you friends will turn against you, and you're going to be burned at the stake. YOU CAN NOT DO THIS!_

Merlin relented a bit in his scrutiny of the grapes as he tried to control the flow of the conversation going on inside his head.

_Nope, everything's going to be fine. Arthur's my friend. Everything will be fine. I CAN DO THIS._

_No you can't –_

_Yes, I'm going to, everything will work out wonderfully._

_YOU ARE GOING TO DIE._

_SHUT UP!_

Merlin felt like banging his head on the table. So much for the pep-talk.

Feeling like he was going to spontaneously combust, he lurched out of the chair and resumed his frantic pacing.

This wasn't going to work.

Merlin faltered, scratching his head. What he needed was a distraction. He had to think about something else. If he could only keep his mind off what he was going to have to do, he could stay calm. If Arthur saw him like this, it would only make things harder.

Merlin had to forget about it completely, and then just…say it. Without thinking too much, if at all possible. If Merlin thought about it too much – or at all, probably – he'd internally _explode._

No thinking.

_Just don't think about it_.

Okay…no thinking.

Merlin took a deep breath, eyes closed.

Relax.

Feeling his muscles loosening, he rolled his shoulders – all that stressing could give you _such_ a crick in the neck – and unclasped his hands, which, he realized, he'd been squeezing to the point of cutting off the circulation.

_No thinking._

Well, this was much better.

For a second, Merlin simply reveled in the fact that he wasn't going crazy with anxiety for more than 3 seconds _. What a feeling._

And continued doing that…for approximately 4 seconds.

Before he could fully register the footsteps pounding down the corridor outside the chamber doors, they were swinging open to admit none other than Arthur, the Prince and Regent of Camelot.

_No thinking –_

_– I can do this –_

_– YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!_


	2. Chapter 2

As Arthur entered his chambers purposefully, striding across the room, Merlin mainly stood where he was and did absolutely nothing.

Mainly, because he was also concentrating on putting out the little voices in his head that were yelling things at him. Now was not the time for being yelled at by multiple voices in his head.

Arthur walked right past him, giving him a quick glance as he continued onwards.

Merlin didn't move. What was he supposed to be doing? Oh yeah, _not thinking about it_.

Okay. Seeing as Merlin's mind was basically totally blanked out at the moment, he figured he was making a pretty good start on that goal. He slowly pivoted in place until he was facing Arthur, with his hands clasped behind his back and his face set in a determinedly innocent look. It was always a good idea to look innocent, especially right before you confess yourself as guilty.

Oh wait, _no thinking_. Whoops.

Arthur looked up from where he was busy placing a sealed scroll inside a tiny chest that sat on his writing table, apparently just noticing the stretching silence. He raised an eyebrow at Merlin's frozen form, straightening slowly. "Hello, Merlin." He said deliberately. "Where you planning on standing there, doing nothing, all day long?"

Merlin mentally shook himself, trying to distinguish the conflicting urges he was getting. _Go on – do it! NO, don't, it's a terrible idea!_

Next on the agenda: get rid of the contradictory feedback.

"Hi, Arthur! How everything going?" Merlin knew, he _knew_ , that once he started rambling, he wouldn't stop. He _did._ Stupid nerves. "No, of course not, actually I was just getting going on doing whatever it was you wanted me to do next. What was that anyway? Something about windows? Right, windows. On my – "

He stuttered to a stop at Arthur's shout of " _Merlin!_!"

Merlin turned on his heel, looking back at Arthur inquisitively. Arthur gave him a horrified stare, his left eyebrow seeming to reposition itself near the center of Arthur's forehead. "Do you _ever_ stop _talking_?!"

Merlin was silent for a second, before nodding slightly. "Windows," he mouthed, turning.

_No! Do it, do it!_

Merlin spun around, facing Arthur once more.

_DO NOT DO THIS!_

Merlin raised his hands in frustration, rolling his eyes, before shaking his head and taking a step forward. Arthur watched him, all the while wearing an expression of increasing concern.

Merlin took a deep breath, looking Arthur in the eye. _No! No! No!_

"Was it windows, or doors that you were talking about this morning? I'm not entirely sure which, and you know how meticulous you like me to be when carrying out your orders – " Merlin paused for breath, trying to ignore the yells within his skull. _DO IT!_ "So…right, sorry, where you just doing something?" Merlin said abruptly, glancing down at the scroll that had been abandoned on Arthur's desk.

Arthur followed Merlin's gaze before skewering Merlin with a skeptical glare. "Would you please just go be somewhere else?"

Merlin nodded, taking a step back. "Be somewhere else? Right, okay, will do. Best order ever! On my way to being somewhere else…" _Go back and do it. NOW!_ "…No, actually, I can't really do that, sorry. Doesn't that contradict your earlier – " Arthur looked just about ready to strangle Merlin as the servant ceased in his rambling.

Okay. Now was the time. _Right_ now.

Releasing his breath in a gust, Merlin met Arthur's eyes, speaking as quickly as he could. _The faster, the better._ "Arthur, I need to tell you something."

"All you've been doing since I arrived is telling me things!" Arthur exclaimed in frustration, raising his hands and turning slightly away from Merlin. "And now that you bring up the subject of telling people things, I might add that _I_ have to tell _you_ something as well."

Merlin blinked, startled out of his self-traumatized state but not really surprised that Arthur would totally dismiss Merlin's 'I'm-dead-serious' tone of voice.

"And if you remembered that conversation we had a few days ago, which I have no doubt you don't, you'd know that, as I am currently the person _in charge_ of Camelot, the things that I have to say to you are generally more important than the things you have to say to me." Arthur said loftily as he turned back to the table, picking up another scroll.

Merlin blinked again, mentally shaking himself. "Yeaaah…okay. The thing is, though –" Merlin unfroze, taking a step forward. "– I do actually need to tell you something."

Arthur continued in his task of transferring scrolls from cabinet to table. He held up one of them, unrolling it and squinting at whatever was written on it, frowning. "Although, despite the fact that my voice is _supposed_ to be the most important one in the kingdom, you're not the only one who likes to assume otherwise."

Merlin reached up to scratch his neck awkwardly, giving Arthur's back an incredulous stare. Was it really too much to ask for Arthur to even _pay him any attention at all_? "And, it is actually kind of important – "

"– Honestly, even though I do, of course, value their opinions greatly, certain members of the court are really starting to get to me."

"– and when I say _important_ , I do mean _affecting to the future of Camelot_ important – "

"– I mean, I do respect their judgment, but it would be nice if they could stop questioning every single thing I say. Is it really too much to ask for them to give me the benefit of the doubt?"

"– So, you know, it would be really _super_ to have you actually take a moment to _listen to me_." Merlin stared at Arthur for a moment, disbelief etched into his face, as the prince carried his totally one-sided conversation on for a few seconds more. _What a prat._

He'd known that telling Arthur would be hard, but this was ridiculous.

"ARTHUR!" Merlin finally shouted, bringing Arthur's speech to an abrupt halt. "Could you _please_ shut up for a minute!?"

Arthur turned to Merlin indignantly, his mouth making a small 'o' of silent protest. "No, really – shush. _I need to tell you something_."

Arthur raised his eyebrows expectantly as the silence stretched yet again while Merlin took a deep breath, stalling.

"Do take your time."

Merlin's glare didn't silence him for long. "No, really, I've got all day to wait for you to string together the sentence that is, apparently, so important for you to tell me."

"Look, I should've told you this ages ago." Merlin started haltingly, averting his gaze to the ground. "And, I know you probably won't take this very well…but just hear me out, alright?"

Arthur responded by raising his eyebrows fractionally.

_Okay. Here goes…._

"Arthur…" Merlin choked out the forbidden words. "I have… magic."

And that little action _might_ have resulted in a tremendous weight off his mind… _if_ Arthur hadn't chosen that exact moment to have a violent coughing fit.

Merlin stared silently as Arthur cleared his throat loudly, his fist at his mouth. After a second, Arthur met Merlin's eye. "What were you saying?"

Silence.

Arthur nodded slowly, frowning at Merlin. "You know, I'm beginning to feel slightly concerned about you," he said, walking around the desk slowly and heading for the doors to his chambers. "Silence really doesn't suit you at all, Merlin." The prince called as he left the room.

_You've got to be kidding me._


	3. Chapter 3

"I _told_ him."

"That doesn't count."

"I did tell him, and he wasn't listening. How is that my fault?"

"You made _one_ attempt, and failed in that _one_ attempt. What kind of a warlock are you, giving up after _that_ feeble excuse for a try?"

Merlin's glare at Gwaine intensified into a scowl as he took his frustration out on the boot that he was currently scrubbing within an inch of its life. The two of them were seated in the armory – Merlin on a bale of hay as he worked on completing his chores for the day, and Gwaine on another bale of hay, chewing on a stray piece of straw and working on annoying Merlin to the point of no return.

Merlin had before thought there could be such point, but spending any amount of time with a very stubborn Gwaine changed that opinion quite quickly.

The tense silence that fell after Gwaine's insistent remark didn't last very long, to Merlin's dismay. "You can't just give up. Everyone agrees. You've got to tell him. Even _Percival_ says that, and you know how rare it is that he says _anything_."

Merlin shook his head, sighing. "Gwaine, you have _no idea_ what I went through today just waiting for Arthur to get there. It was even worse, trying to get started on saying _something_ that made any sense anyway, and then trying to get Arthur to stop rambling to himself and actually _listen_ to me."

Gwaine nodded impatiently, leaning back against the wall. "Yes, I know, I know. Gosh, who wouldn't know that such a powerful person like you could be so frightened of a man you could turn into a toad with a wave of your hand…"

Merlin gritted his teeth, bending back over the abused boot. "Well, you would be too, if you'd gone through all that I have."

Gwaine was silent for a moment. Finally Merlin looked up to meet the knight's unreadable eyes. After a second Gwaine seemed to shake himself slightly, relaxing back again. "You still have to tell him," he said lazily. "I'd think that sooner would be easier than later, but it's up to you…" His words had an unmistakably skeptical air.

"Well, I can see I probably don't have much of a choice, seeing as if I don't tell Arthur and possibly get executed, you'll annoy me to death anyway."

Gwaine grinned, the piece of straw hanging out of his mouth crookedly. "That's my boy," he said approvingly, an ever-present mischievous glint lighting his eyes.

* * *

That afternoon, Merlin made a point on arriving at the knight's training session early. This one involved only the Knights of the Round Table, luckily, so Merlin didn't have to worry too much about anyone…seeing anything.

This time, Merlin was determined to succeed.

Ironically, Arthur was the late one at this particular training session. The other knights arrived in ones and twos at the grassy courtyard beside the great castle, joking together all the way. Joining Merlin first was Gwaine and Leon, who both noticed the focused, serious look on Merlin's face. Merlin watched as Gwaine leaned over to Leon as they walked together across the grass, whispering something. They both grinned at whatever Gwaine had said, laughing slightly.

Merlin raised an eyebrow at the two as they reached him, silent. Leon clapped him on the back, nodding at him with a grin.

"Attempt number two, eh?" Gwaine said, leaning on a wooden frame that supported dozens of weapons. "This I want to see."

"Well, looks like you will see it," Merlin said shortly. After a moment, he allowed a small, anxious smile to light his face. "I just expect you to defend me if Arthur tries to run me through or anything."

Gwaine tilted his head, frowning. "If you're so worried about Arthur killing you when he finds out," Gwaine said, his voice decidedly puzzled. "Why are you going to tell him in the middle of a training session, where a wide choice of deadly weapons are within easy access?"

Merlin grimaced, rolling his eyes. " _Well_ ," he said sarcastically, "If Arthur does decide to kill me, I'd rather he do it quickly instead of throwing me in the dungeons for a week before burning me alive."

Gwaine snorted softly, shaking his head, as Leon nudged him pointedly with his elbow. Merlin didn't miss the look the two knights shared, or the reprimanded look on Gwaine's face as they both turned back to Merlin.

Merlin glared at them, his silence a question. For a moment, Leon and Gwaine simply shifted guiltily, averting their gaze from Merlin's, before footsteps began thudding from behind them. Gwaine's face brightened into his usual look of lazy casualness, and called out a greeting to Elyan and Percival.

Merlin watched the knights begin joking lightly, falling easily into their usual banter. Something was going on here – but what? He didn't have much time to wonder on that, however, as Lancelot arrived at the site as well and Merlin was reminded, with a sickening swooping sensation, that soon, he'd have to tell Arthur the truth. Again.

The familiar panic flared in Merlin's chest, threatening to take over and drown him _. No, no, no…_

What Merlin had told Gwaine about choosing the training session as the time and place to tell Arthur had, more or less, been a lie. If Arthur did decide to kill Merlin, of course, Merlin would rather die quickly, obviously. Not that Merlin would let the situation get that far out of control…( _This is a really bad idea! Really, really bad!)_

But the real reason Merlin decided to try again here, _now_ , was because he wanted to make sure Arthur would feel completely in control of the situation. Hopefully the fact that Merlin was telling him his secret from such a vulnerable position would help him see Merlin's sincerity and loyalty to the prince…if Arthur didn't feel threatened by Merlin's power, maybe he'd allow Merlin to speak, after all. Also, Merlin had to admit, the presence of all the knights was extremely comforting as well. Merlin knew they'd do their best to protect him, if it came to that. Maybe with his friends here, he wouldn't have to suffer through the overwhelming in-mind-arguments that were becoming the norm for him…

Hearing a joltingly familiar voice call across the yard to them had Merlin jerking around to face Arthur as he strode across the grass. "There you all are! Actually on time today? What a blessing," Arthur said sarcastically, reaching the weapons stand. He took hold of his usual practice sword, sliding it out of the sheath and into the air.

Merlin gulped, his eyes widening.

No, actually, he was pretty sure that the presence of the knights wouldn't do a thing to help his nerves, after all.

Arthur expertly swung his blade to point at the ground before drawing another from its sheath and tossing it casually to Gwaine, who caught it with an identical air of indifference. Merlin, however, could only watch as the blade gleamed menacingly as it was flung through the air.

_Really, really, REALLY bad idea._

Merlin noted the absence of the other voice, feeling that it was some sort of bad omen. Even the insanely optimistic side of his subconscious self didn't think this could possibly be a good idea.

Lancelot glanced at Merlin as the others took hold of their practice swords and gathered around Arthur and Gwaine, who were circling each other calculatingly, getting ready to spar. Lancelot's look was inquisitively concerned, his eyebrows raised fractionally. Merlin grimaced in answer, and Lancelot smiled knowingly, nodding slightly.

Merlin couldn't help but take a moment to feel baffled at why all the knights seemed to be taking this situation as a joke before his nerves set in more fully, making controlled thought very nearly impossible.

_Bad bad bad! Don't do it!_

Arthur and Gwaine both leaped in simultaneously, bringing their swords together with a familiar clang of metal on metal. Merlin's feet moved seemingly on their own accord, walking closer to the loose ring of knights surrounding Arthur and Gwaine's mock fight.

_You are going to die! This is suicide! Don't do it!_

Arthur and Gwaine were matched, blow by bow, as they fought with increasing intensity.

Merlin tried to block out his panicked thoughts by focusing on the knights, but it was like trying to ignore a stampede of wild horses converging upon him. No, check that, it was like trying to ignore a stampede of wild horses ridden by murderous bandits converging on him. It was impossible.

_No! No! No!_

Finally Arthur's blade caught Gwaine's at the hilt, causing the weapon to be torn from Gwaine's hand. Arthur smirked triumphantly as Gwaine slumped his tensed shoulders, rolling his eyes and turning.

"Honestly, Gwaine, that was the shortest fight I've ever had with you...you must be losing your touch." Arthur teased the other knight, twirling his sword through the air proudly.

Gwaine snorted, picking his sword up from ground. "Chance of luck," Gwaine scoffed, grinning good-naturedly nonetheless. "I'd like to see you find another man who'd be anywhere near as good a match in swordsmanship as I am to you."

Arthur put a wide smile on his face, raising his eyebrows humorously. "Oh _would_ you?" Arthur asked Gwaine, his tone playfully mocking. "Then you shall." Arthur straightened up fully, placing the tip of his sword in the ground before him. "Oh, _Mer_ lin? I _do_ believe I require your assistance." Arthur called over his shoulder at his manservant, his voice dripping in suppressed laughter. Around them, the other knights chuckled softly at Arthur's request.

Gwaine burst out into laughter, flipping his sword into the air before offering it to Merlin with a grin. "All yours," he said cheekily. Merlin looked at the offered hilt in horror, before meeting Gwaine's eyes in disbelief.

Gwaine's grin only widened backed away, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Merlin lifted his sword into the air, frowning. This wasn't working out at all in the way he'd been hoping.

Arthur turned slightly to face Merlin fully, beckoning him mockingly with his now-raised blade. Not bothering to try and look amused, he walked forward and met Arthur's eye sorrowfully. "Arthur…I want to tell you something."

Arthur sighed loudly, swinging his blade down impatiently. "Merlin, stop being such a _girl._ I'm not going to go _that_ rough on you." Grinning, Arthur hefted his sword once more and slipped into a fighter's stance, pointing the sword at Merlin.

Merlin let his sword arm stay limp, the tip of the blade dragging on the ground slightly. "Arthur…"

Before he had a chance to speak, Arthur lunged.

Merlin instinctively flicked his sword up, trying to ignore its hindering weight. The two swords clanged together loudly a moment before Arthur pushed off from Merlin's sword, using his force to shove Merlin backwards.

Only then did Merlin manage to force down the unimpeded stream of pessimistic and involuntary thought completely, a new idea alighting in his mind.

Arthur was making it very obvious that it would be very difficult, bordering on _impossible_ , to get out the words he needed to say, let alone make sure that they were heard.

But while words were often misheard or ignored, sight could not be denied. If Arthur didn't want to listen, then Merlin would simply _show_ him the truth.

Merlin caught himself before he stumbled, raising his sword to block Arthur's next strike. As the prince's sword crashed into the other, Merlin let his eyes glow gold as his magic seeped into his strike. Merlin's countering blow was twice as powerful as it normally would have been, and Arthur actually stumbled under its force.

And…Arthur _laughed_ , righting himself as he lifted his sword again. "Hey Merlin, you're actually beginning to get the hang of this…"

Merlin had just enough time to give Arthur an incredulous glance before he shrugged slightly and stepped forward to meet Arthur's blow, his eyes again burning gold. This time, though he watched Arthur's face – and found the prince's gaze fixed determinedly away from Merlin's.

Slashing his sword downwards to free it from Arthur's countering strike, Merlin stepped back to stare disbelievingly at Arthur. The prince stepped back to, starting to circle Merlin in an attempt to get around his defenses. "This is the longest you've ever held out, Merlin," Arthur said, his tone surprised but no less lofty. "You've moved up from your rank of 'horrible' in swordsmanship to merely 'bad'."

Merlin had just done magic directly in front of the prince of Camelot. And Arthur hadn't even noticed.

Sighing, Merlin parried Arthur's next blow with magical aid again, not paying full attention. After a moment of consideration, Merlin shrugged off his remaining trepidation – he'd found that once he'd started trying to make Arthur notice his magic, it was really much easier to stop worrying about doing so – and inclined his head slightly at Arthur, feeling his magic obey him again.

Arthur's leg seemed to give out on him as the prince lost his balance, falling heavily on his back, with his sword spinning out of his grip. As the prince scrambled back onto his feet, back turned, Merlin extended his free hand slightly, eyes glowing. Arthur's sword rose from the ground gracefully and floated swiftly to a halt in the air between Merlin and Arthur, hilt up. Arthur was by then on his feet, turning towards Merlin.

Merlin felt as though time was slowing down. Arthur's face came into his line of view by degrees, so slowly that the warlock almost thought that there was some spell cast to slow time. The panic erupted back in his chest again, engulfing him, as Arthur passed the three-quarters mark, now almost facing Merlin…

Merlin saw the blue of Arthur's eyes fix for a second upon the enchanted sword, floating before him. He _knew_ he had.

A deafening crash jolted Merlin out of that endless moment so completely that the sword dropped out of the air, falling silently upon the grass next to the ear-splitting crashes of falling weaponry. Spinning around, Merlin took in the scene of the other knights staring, startled, at Gwaine…and the mess of the wooden frame that had supported all their practice weapons, on the ground and in pieces.

"Whoops," Gwaine said sheepishly, watching with the others as a lone sword teetered and fell, clanging loudly. The silence that followed seemed even louder.

Merlin was frozen for a moment. Had Arthur seen? Yes, Merlin was sure he had, just for a second.

_Oh no._

The knights all seemed to avert their gaze to look at Arthur at the same time, their faces wearing similar looks of apprehension.

Merlin turned slowly, almost not daring to look.

Arthur stood at the same spot, a hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. He, too, was facing the fallen weapons, his expression unreadable. Finally he turned to Merlin, meeting his servant's eyes.

"You got off this one easy," Arthur told Merlin lazily, casually picking up his sword from the ground where it had fallen. "Next time, if Gwaine would be so kind to _not_ destroy the weapons stand," Arthur tossed Gwaine a reprimanding look before continuing. "You'll learn what it's like to fight an opponent who's actually _trying_."

Gwaine laughed with Arthur, exchanging a few more comments before the prince dismissed the training session, ordering Gwaine to get his mess cleaned up.

Arthur marched away in the direction of the main courtyard, his stride normal – even.

Merlin was silent, gaping after Arthur. Even the voices which had been vying for his attention a few seconds earlier were quiet, stunned into silence.

There was _no way_ anyone could be that thick.


	4. Chapter 4

Merlin didn't think he had any chance.

There was no way he was going to survive this. No matter how things turned out – if he ever told Arthur, if Arthur forgave him, or if he simply continued to try, and fail, at revealing his secret – Merlin was doomed.

It felt like he hadn't had a moment of peace for _years_.

Merlin was slumped over in his seat at a table in Gaius's chambers, his head only propped up by the hand it was jammed against. On a stool beside him perched Gwen, and across the table was Gaius.

Merlin simply couldn't escape the perpetual lecture.

"…I really think you should try again."

Gwen's earnest voice made Merlin close his eyes, groaning loudly. Gaius _humphed_ disapprovingly at the warlock's reaction.

"Really, Merlin, you can't carry on like this," Gaius put in. "It's be easier on everyone if you just told him outright, and got it over with."

Merlin was going to bang his head on the table, he really was. "Gaius." Merlin grumbled, meeting the physician's eyes, a tortured look on his face. "How many times do I have to _tell_ you, I've _tried_ – "

Gwen made a sympathetic face, scooting even closer to the edge of her stool and leaning towards Merlin. "Yes, but _you_ know how Arthur is. Sometimes he can be…well, he can be quite…"

Merlin eyed Gwen as she sputtered, clearly not wanting to insult the prince but finding no other words suitable enough.

"…quite an idiot?" Merlin prompted, rolling his eyes and allowing his head to drop onto the table, facedown. "Quite a self-centered, arrogant, over-confident, _prat_ of a Prince? Well yes, yes he can be that at times, can't he?"

The brief silence that followed Merlin's outburst wasn't at all long enough.

"Yes, well," Gwen continued hesitantly. "Sometimes _, exactly_. But I really do think you'll feel much better if you just get it out."

Merlin laughed humorlessly, a tortured sound. "What, _again_? I don't think I can _stand_ much more _getting out_."

Gwen made another sympathetic sound, and Gaius made another disapproving one. Merlin lifted his head fractionally, meeting Gaius' eye again.

"I'm surprised _you're_ so keen on this, Gaius," Merlin groaned, frowning at the old man. "Normally, you'd go through the roof if I told you that I'd tried to tell Arthur about my magic, _twice_."

Gaius looked decidedly uncomfortable for a moment before regaining his default look of disapproval. "This is a very different situation, Merlin," the physician informed him, raising an eyebrow. "In this situation, I believe that it would be best if you told Arthur _as soon as possible_. Hearing it from you will be much better than if he finds out some other way."

" _Finds out some other way_? If _that's_ the issue, then I shouldn't even _bother_. He couldn't figure out that I have magic if I wrote it on his _forehead_." Merlin let his head fall once more, releasing his breath in a huff. "I'm not sure my _destiny_ is worth all this," he said, his tone only half joking.

Gaius's loud noise of shocked protest made it evident that the matter was _not_ a subject to joke on.

Merlin lifted a hand slightly from where it was lying on the table, waving away Gaius' protests. "Yes, yes, I know…"

Merlin could practically feel Gwen's concerned gaze upon him. He cracked his eyes open in time to see her turn to Gaius, giving him an imploring look. Gaius sighed loudly, sounding almost frustrated.

"I really wish you'd tell me whatever it is that's going on between you all," Merlin mumbled into the rather pregnant silence. "I'm really getting sick of all this mysterious stuff."

Gwen started, looking genuinely surprised. "What mysterious stuff? Who said anything about mysterious stuff?"

Merlin lifted his head from the table, staring at Gwen skeptically for a second. "It's kind of obvious," he said, sighing as he straightened up into a halfway-upright position. "You're all acting all guilty and weird. _Something's_ going on."

Gwen widened her eyes innocently, shaking her head quickly. "I've no idea what you mean," she said, sounding flustered. Merlin cocked an eyebrow at her in disbelief before turning to catch Gaius's grimace.

"Uh-huh," Merlin nodded sarcastically, looking from Gwen to Gaius. "No idea."

At that moment, the muffled sound of footsteps pounding up the stone stairs leading to the door of the physicians' chambers was heard. The wooden door was flung open to admit one grinning Gwaine. "Ah!" the knight said, grinning widely as he entered the room, kicking the door closed behind him. "There you all are. Hard at work, as always…"

Merlin reassumed his position of slumping over the table, eying Gwaine warily as the knight made his way over to the table, ever maintaining his carefree air. Gwen aimed a bright, rather forced, smile at Gwaine, taking a deep breath before diving into a stream of chatter. "Oh, Gwaine, I was _wondering_ where everyone was – have you seen Arthur since training? I was going to go and ask him about something…"

Merlin internally rolled his eyes as he watched Gwen in her determined efforts to change the subject.

Gwaine laughed, raising his hands above his head in mock surrender. "I swear I'll tell you all I know," he said, grinning. Gwen faltered sheepishly in her chatter, blushing.

"And speaking of the Princess," Gwaine said, leaning on the table lazily. "We've all mutually decided to hold a meeting concerning a certain _issue_ –" at this Gwaine turned to Merlin, waggling his eyebrows comically "– in his chambers, in ten minutes." After allowing Gwen's gasp of surprise to go undisturbed, Gwaine smiled wryly as he clarified this. "In other words, Arthur is currently waiting in his chambers, probably pacing and cursing each and every one of us – other than dear Guinevere, of course – while wondering what it is we need to talk to him about and planning all the things he's going to threaten us with when we do eventually get there."

Gaius grimaced at Gwaine in disapproval, while Gwen let out another gasp, as well as a scolding " _Gwaine!_ ".

Merlin put his head down on the table, groaning, only moving to cover his ears halfheartedly as Gwaine burst into loud peals of laughter.


	5. Chapter 5

_Ten_ _minutes_ , he'd said; and to Merlin, it was both the longest and shortest ten minutes of his life.

After Gwaine had finished sharing his news and having a laugh about it, he'd dashed off again to gather everyone else so that they could all meet at Arthur's chambers together.

Merlin had jumped to his feet, resuming his studious pacing with an expression that looked as if he were about to be forced to eat a large, slimy toad.

Lancelot had come striding in, clapping Merlin on the back as he offered him his encouragement and support.

Merlin had offered him a blank, unseeing stare before he frantically resumed pacing, now fleetingly contemplating the question of whether or not he would survive if he climbed out of his window and tried to shimmy his way down the wall.

Elyan poked his head in to fetch them, saying that it was time; everyone had ushered Merlin out, keeping their concerned gazes fixed firmly on him.

Merlin had shuffled out to the hallway, the uncharacteristically blank look dominating his features once again; as they marched through the castle together, Merlin had maintained an unfocused, unattached air, feeling as if he'd been drugged.

All too soon, the procession reached the doors to Arthur's chambers, where Gwaine, Leon, and Percival waited. In unison, everybody halted and turned to look at Merlin, their expressions ranging from wary to anxious to encouraging – but all had the same note of concern. Sensing their shared anticipation, Merlin let his head fall back onto his shoulders and took a deep breath.

"This..." Merlin sighed, rolling his shoulders tensely. "…is insane."

Gwen stepped forward, tilting her head sympathetically as she gave Merlin a soft smile. "It's going to be _fine_ , Merlin," she said earnestly, biting her lip. "Look, all of us know, and none of us ever _dreamed_ of turning you in. There's _nothing_ for you to worry about."

Merlin looked down at Gwen, raising his eyebrows in an incredulous, almost pleading look. "It's _Arthur_ ," he said in hushed tones, his eyes reflecting the chaos that was going on within him.

Gwen stepped closer, taking a quick breath. "Do you truly believe that he'd turn you in?" Her eyes darted as they searched Merlin's face inquisitively, the moment of silence stretching.

Merlin looked away with a sigh, shaking his head uncertainly. "No…I don't know…I just –" He broke off with another, heaving sigh, feeling lost.

"Merlin, you don't have to worry," Gwen began firmly. "We're your friends. We would never let Arthur do anything rash, even if he tried. But Arthur's your friend too; you're his _best_ friend. This _isn't_ going to change _anything_."

"It's not even that…" Merlin murmured slowly, fixing his gaze firmly on the wooden doors before him. There were no voices now, he realized, but now found his quiet inner-self far too lonely for his liking. "I mean – I don't _actually_ think that Arthur would kill me, not _really_ , because even if all else fails, then Arthur would still spare me for his _honor_ , on account of all the times I've saved _his_ life." Once Merlin started talking, he found it increasingly difficult to stop; staring unwaveringly at the door, he plowed on.

"It's not _him_ that's the problem, it's _me_. It's – I mean, I've _never_ told _anyone_ about my powers." Everyone made sounds of confusion at his words, and Merlin was quick to elaborate, rolling his eyes. "I mean, yeah, all of you _know_ , but I didn't actually _tell_ any of you. You all just – just _figured_ it out, on your own, or saw me do it, and I didn't have to _tell_ _you_ anything. But this – _this_ will be the first time that I have ever told someone here that I have magic, and of course it's not just _someone_ , it's –" he broke off with a gasp, swallowing heavily. "It's just hard, after being taught all my life that those words would get me killed."

A beat of silence followed his words. "I know," said Gwen eventually, her voice soft. Merlin nodded tersely, still facing forward. After a second more, he quickly glanced around, seeing nothing but concerned frowns and sympathetic smiles. The thought of so many eyes on him made him uncomfortable, and Merlin turned back towards the door, squaring his shoulders.

"You ready?" Lancelot asked, frowning as he twisted his head to look at Merlin from his position at the head of the group, about to push open the doors.

"No," said Merlin frankly, letting out a short huff of humorless laughter. Lancelot grimaced sympathetically and started forward, shoving open the doors.

Merlin thought that he could hear the tremor of a rapidly beating drum, though that might have been his imagination, or his own heart pounding at that alarming pace. Everything seemed to pause, with their footsteps clapping down on the stone floor in near slow-motion. In a second that seemed more like an eternity, they entered Arthur's chambers, a sense of doom descending hopelessly over Merlin. For a moment, the room was ominously silent and seemingly empty –

"It's about _time_! Honestly, Gwaine told me about this ridiculous ' _meeting_ ' of yours half an hour ago, what _took_ you so long?" Arthur emerged from behind a column, head bent as he fastened on his sword belt carefully.

No one replied as everybody seemed to be intent on watching Merlin; meanwhile, Merlin was intently watching Arthur's practiced movements as he clipped his belt in place, the sword swinging slightly in its sheath. Merlin stared at it with wide eyes, unmoving.

Arthur came to a stop before the group, placing his hands on his hips with a dubious frown. "Well?" The prince inclined his head as if to urge them on, his eyes roving among the party before coming to a rest on Merlin. "What is it? And why do you all look so _solemn_ ; this isn't a _funeral_."

Shifting on his feet, Merlin gulped loudly – and for that, he got a hard jab in the ribs from whichever knight it was that was standing closest to him. Probably Gwaine, knowing him.

Arthur noticed the slight commotion, taking a few precise steps forward until he came face to face with Merlin, standing only a foot away. " _Mer_ lin," Arthur pronounced deliberately, raising an eyebrow. "Exactly _what_ have you done this time?"

The undecipherable look in Arthur's eyes had Merlin frozen, merely standing there before him. For the longest second, Merlin didn't say anything; he took a breath, opening his mouth to speak –

With an earsplitting crash, all the windows in Arthur's chambers shattered, the glass descending into the room like deadly raindrops; with the shards came a piercing shriek sounding from outside, somewhere in the courtyard beyond. Even as everyone jumped into alertness, the knights drawing their swords as one, a burst of fire found its way through one of the shattered windows, penetrating into the room and surging brightly as the flames alighted on a set of drapes.

"Merlin!" Gwaine said in a chastising tone as they all rearranged themselves behind pieces of furniture and outcropping walls, keeping an alert eye out for more fire. Merlin turned to look back at Gwaine, giving him an incredulous glare.

"It wasn't _me_!" Merlin whispered defensively, forehead creased in skepticism. Gwaine snorted a little, raising his eyebrows.

"Mmm…sorry, just thought that this might have been yet another way for you to get out of telling Arthur..."

Merlin stared, mouth agape. "Right, because _setting_ _fire_ to Arthur's chambers is the perfect solution?"

Gwaine had no time to reply as another ear-splitting cry invaded the room, and they peeked out from behind whatever cover they'd found to see what looked like a winged alligator with tusks like that of a boar thrusting itself through one of the shattered windows, pulling itself in with hooked claws. Merlin leaned further out, trying to glimpse if there were more, until someone grabbed his shoulder and roughly yanked him back behind the wall.

Arthur crouched beside Merlin, frowning and breathing heavily. "Gaius! What is it?" he shouted. From the other side of the room, Gaius called back in answer, his panicked face appearing from behind a cupboard.

"I don't know, sire! But I can tell you, it's not a natural being – it's a creature of magic! Swords may not be able to kill it!"

"We should get out of here," Merlin told Arthur quickly, glancing over his shoulder as a crash sounded from deeper in the room, followed by more snarls and shrieks. Arthur was silent for a moment, before he leaned back on his haunches, taking a breath.

"No, we'll be fine."

Merlin gaped at him, eyes wide in disbelief. "Arthur – that thing got past the guards and the archers. It _breathes_ _fire_ – we can't fight it in here! At least get Gwen and Gaius out," Merlin whispered harshly, unable to believe Arthur – what could he be thinking?

"No, Merlin, I am completely confident that there is nothing to worry about." Arthur stated, meeting Merlin's eyes calmly. Then – " _You_ can take care of it."

Silence. Merlin let out a puff of breath, raising his eyebrows as he indicated himself in disbelief. "M-me?"

"Yes."

Merlin stared, temporarily lost for words. "You want _me_ to go out there."

"Exactly."

Another fierce cry sounded, making Merlin's head buzz. "Um," Merlin said doubtfully. "You're surrounded by the best knights that Camelot _has_ , Arthur. And you – you're telling _me_ to go."

"You have a problem with that?"

"You're the one with the sword."

"Well, _you're_ the one with the magic, aren't you?" And with that, Arthur gave Merlin a bright smile and shoved him out into the middle of the room.

The beast rent the air with its cry again as Merlin stumbled out before it, waving his arms for balance. Fire spurted through the room, and the creature reared back on its hind legs, flashing its crooked claws, but Merlin ignored it completely, turning on heel and marching back around the wall to where Arthur remained, crouching next to Gwaine and Leon.

"What?"

Arthur raised his eyebrows, gesturing with a gloved hand. "Go!"

" _What_?"

"Merlin – hurry _up_ , before my chambers are reduced to a pile of _ash_!"

"You did _not_ just say that."

Arthur's gaze suddenly darted from Merlin's face to look over his shoulder, a semblance of panic crossing his face. "Merlin – there's a winged _crocodile_ about to bite your _head_ off; perhaps this isn't the best time to chat?"

Merlin merely stepped aside as the beast swiped a gleaming, clawed limb at him, screeching. "You _knew_?"

Arthur rolled his eyes, hefting his sword jerkily in frustration. "Yes, _Mer_ lin, of _course_ I knew – if you _honestly_ thought that I wouldn't know if my own _servant_ was a sorcerer, then you really _are_ an idiot."

"Th-they told you…" Merlin choked out, gasping as if he were out of breath. Another burst of fire lit up the room, streaming just over Merlin's head.

Arthur let out a sigh of exasperation, sidestepping with his back to the wall as another huge crash sounded; he lifted his sword, getting ready to swing. " _No_ , they didn't _tell_ me – I was the _first_ to figure it out, other than Gaius, I suppose. Honestly, it was obvious." The monster chose that moment to launch itself at Merlin, jaws open and claws spread wide. Arthur darted out, swinging his sword at the beast; the blade caught it on its shoulder, and it was thrown back across the room where it landed against a wall, snarling.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted, irritated. "Are you seriously just going to _stand_ there?"

Merlin still hadn't moved from the spot, simply gaping at Arthur with a frown of disbelief plastered on his features. Arthur lifted his blade again, circling around Merlin with his eyes fixed firmly on a point just to Merlin's right. A shrill screech erupted from behind Merlin, vibrating the air and seeming to reverberate inside his skull, just as Arthur shouted out in warning. " _Merlin_!"

Merlin shook himself out of his trance at the last second, whipping around; even as he took a step towards it, the beast unfurled its gnarled wings and pounced, leaping through the air towards Merlin. He moved to intercept it, his eyes burning gold. "Shut _up_!" The words were as good as any incantation; the creature halted in midair, hanging there for a second as if plucked out of flight by the hands of a giant, before it was thrown backwards, crashing to the floor with a tangible finality. The fire that was slowly spreading from the drapes on the wall flickered and went out in an imperceptible gust of wind, and despite the continued screams and shouts that sounded faintly from the courtyard below, the room fell silent.

Merlin spun in heel, staring at Arthur blankly. "You _knew_." He felt strangely numb, as if this were all an impossible dream and he hadn't actually just done potent magic directly before the prince of Camelot – not that it mattered, though, did it?

Arthur sheathed his sword with a flourish before clasping his hands behind his back, raising his eyebrows in a semblance of an innocent expression and meeting Merlin's gaze. He opened his mouth, seeming to search for the right word, before he merely closed his mouth and inclined his head, a faint smile flickering.

Merlin scoffed in disbelief, putting his hands on his hips. Suddenly he became aware of the knights standing in an array around Arthur, still looking shocked at the appearance of the monster. Merlin met each of their eyes, and he saw the same amusement and apology there.

"You – you all _knew_ about this!"

The knights shifted guiltily, and as Gwen and Gaius emerged from the other side of the room, they wore the same sheepish grimace. " _All_ of you!" Merlin shouted, gaping incredulously.

Arthur burst out into laughter, and Merlin's glare zeroed in on him; the prince didn't try to hide his wide grin. "Now, don't get all mad at _them_ – this was all my idea," he boasted, waggling his eyebrows.

Merlin skewered him with a glare of disdain. "Do you have," Merlin started slowly, exaggerating his words with disbelief. " _any_ idea how much I went through trying to tell that I have magic?"

Arthur raised his eyebrows, mockingly pretending to consider the question. "Ah – yes. Yes, I do." He stifled back another snort of laughter. "It was pretty hilarious."

"This is not funny."

Gwaine stepped forward with a clank of armor, clapping Merlin on the back heavily. "Ah, sorry we couldn't let you in on the joke, Merlin," he said, grinning. "Not that I would have, if I could, because that was simply too good to pass up."

Merlin turned slowly to give Gwaine a deadly glare, and the knight abruptly cleared his throat, stepping back with a badly concealed snort.

Merlin ducked his head for a moment, taking a breath, before he slowly looked up to meet Arthur's eyes, setting his jaw with a blank expression. "I'm going to kill you."

Arthur laughed again, shaking his head. "Under normal circumstances, I think that it would be the other way around, Merlin."

"No, honestly – I am going to kill you." Merlin dead-panned, shaking his head in exaggeration. He strode past Arthur, still shaking his head biting his lip with an expression of disbelief. He stopped in the doorway, turning to glare at them all in turn. "I'm going to kill you," he muttered again, this time to all of them. And with that he turned on heel and left, shaking his head skeptically.

From behind him, Arthur's chambers exploded in laughter, echoing back through the hall to Merlin's ears – and despite himself, Merlin had to let out one short bark of incredulous laughter himself.


End file.
